Deployment

Well it sure has been a long time since I have written, and I guess a part of that was because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. My husband left on December 2nd. We tend to forget how emotional it is to say goodbye to someone who will be gone for an extended period of time. It was as though there was a dark cloud looming over us until we actually had to say goodbye. I live on an Airforce base and work on an Army base, and before my husband left I went along my day not really thinking about who was having to say goodbye to their soldier that day, that night, that week, that month. I now look at things different. Who is having to go through this? Who is getting the honor of welcoming them home? It seems like a revolving door. One night it is one family's nightmare the next night one family's wish.

My husband got to Iraq safely and now it's the game of getting ourselves into our new routine or as I like to call it our new normal. I think the beginning is really hard although I think I have done pretty well. It's hard to come home from work and not have him there to talk to. It's hard to have to wait until he can call you. I think that AA was on to something when they say, "take it one day at a time." I feel like thatis what I am doing. I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it when I get to welcome him home. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. It makes me want to be strong and it makes me wat to make him not worry about me and how I am handling things. I want his mind to be clear on what he needs to focus on, keeping himself safe and completing that mission.

It's hard that he left right before Christmas. It's hard that he won't be here to celebrate, but I am glad that I get to go home and be with my family and friends who have been a tremendous support system! I am so blessed to have all of them in my life!

One thing that is good about the deployment is that I don't feel guilty for occupying all my time with work and maybe going back to school to get my master's. I think that this will help me stay busy and my hope is that this will help pass the time, and in the long run help my career. I think about how he and I dated long distance for 3 years and part of the reason that we were so successful is that we were both very busy. I was mainly busy with school! So, I think that is what I will go back to do doing. The Army has a great program for military wives to continue their education where they will pay for the majority if not all your schooling so in that case I better take advantage of the situation.

Well, I don't have much else to say. I don't know how to verbalize how I am feeling. I am proud, sad, lonely, happy, etc. It's hard to put into words.

I think one way to survive this is to have something to look forward to every month. So this month I am going home for the holidays. Next month my friend Nicole is coming to visit, I better figure something out for February. : )