Well Christmas has come and gone and I survived! I got to talk to Rick (my husband) on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day. It was a great surprise! He was busy learning how to weld so now when he gets back home I have another type of "honey do" I can add to the list! Maybe he will get good enough and make some great wall art!
I was able to visit with family and friends, which was great! I was able to update them on what Rick is doing in Iraq and was able to just catch up! I am really impressed with the level of support, concern, and prayer that our support system is giving to us! I can honestly say that this deployment would be so much harder without it.
Although, Rick has had times where he wasn't able to come home for the holidays (because of work) it does make it different when you know that they are in Iraq and that they are really not getting to celebrate Christmas in any fashion that they are used to. It just kind of makes you sad. I am pretty proud of myself though because I only cried a couple of times! I have become a huge sap these days; I am not saying that I feel sorry for myself or Rick because I don't. It's more about pride and honor. I just can't explain to you how proud I am of Rick and what he is sacrificing for this country. I think most military wives would agree!
Well back to Christmas... we survived! Like I said I got to talk to him and that was a great gift in its self. He also got to talk to my mom, brother and sister so now they can all say that they have talked to someone while they were in Iraq. I hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas with your friends and families! I am looking forward to the new year! I think it will really help my mind game when I say, "he will be home in October of this year!" Oh that just sounds shorter!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Life back at home without my husband...
Well I am back in town for the holidays, and it's bitter sweet. It's so nice seeing everyone and getting to have something to look forward to, but it's also a reminder that I am going to be spending the holidays without my husband and that he will be spending his in a chow hall somewhere or the gym. : ( Not really the best way to celebrate!
My family has been really supportive of us. Everytime I drive down the main street of our hometown I see the yellow ribbons that they have hanging out on the doorstep supporting him, again it's just another reminder. We have been busy getting care packages together so that he will have things to open around the holidays. We have been trying to stagger them out so that he won't get them all at once. My hope is that he gets a smile on his face, and knows that we are thinking about him.
My husband's family has never really known how to be suppportive of him during a deployment. They think that just because they talk about him or wear a necklace that they are supporting him. It starts to get really irritating when I find out that they have not called or emailed him, yet they want me to make sure they have all the information. What for? Just to give him false hope? It's moments like this that make me feel tired of trying.... why do we have to go and see them when we come into town? This is not a relationship it's an obligation. My hope is that during this deployment I can start to let it go, and not focus on the negative part. I don't want this to be the part that consumes me.
Honestly, I am a little bit scared for the next year. It hasn't even been a month yet and it feels like forever. My husband and I still have not gotten into a pattern yet. I feel like I am living with my cell phone. I have already missed a couple calls and the guilt is horrible. He is not giving me a guilt trip by any means it's just that I want to talk to him and then I miss the time he has a chance to call. He could call more but he doesn't like to call in front of other people so right now he is waiting until the other soldiers go home to call. Well, as you can imagine that doesn't really leave us much time to talk so we talk about every 4 days. I think that it is easier for him because his whole life has changed. It's like being on vacation, you don't think about home as much because you are learning your new surroundings, but for me, everything is still the same just a big void from where he was. I think that he is trying to give me a chance to see everyone and be everywhere. He doesn't realize that being in communication with him helps me have a better time because I don't have to worry about what he is doing, because I am already in the loop.
I guess overall, it will get easier. Hopefully, I will stop tearing up everytime I see or hear anything about deployments, soldiers, military, etc. Hopefully I will start sleeping better in our bed, and handling the stress of doing everything on my own.
Although it's been hard being home and being reminded that he is missing, the extra help from my Mom and sister have been wonderful! It's been nice to have someone else to count on instead of just adding to your own To Do List.
My family has been really supportive of us. Everytime I drive down the main street of our hometown I see the yellow ribbons that they have hanging out on the doorstep supporting him, again it's just another reminder. We have been busy getting care packages together so that he will have things to open around the holidays. We have been trying to stagger them out so that he won't get them all at once. My hope is that he gets a smile on his face, and knows that we are thinking about him.
My husband's family has never really known how to be suppportive of him during a deployment. They think that just because they talk about him or wear a necklace that they are supporting him. It starts to get really irritating when I find out that they have not called or emailed him, yet they want me to make sure they have all the information. What for? Just to give him false hope? It's moments like this that make me feel tired of trying.... why do we have to go and see them when we come into town? This is not a relationship it's an obligation. My hope is that during this deployment I can start to let it go, and not focus on the negative part. I don't want this to be the part that consumes me.
Honestly, I am a little bit scared for the next year. It hasn't even been a month yet and it feels like forever. My husband and I still have not gotten into a pattern yet. I feel like I am living with my cell phone. I have already missed a couple calls and the guilt is horrible. He is not giving me a guilt trip by any means it's just that I want to talk to him and then I miss the time he has a chance to call. He could call more but he doesn't like to call in front of other people so right now he is waiting until the other soldiers go home to call. Well, as you can imagine that doesn't really leave us much time to talk so we talk about every 4 days. I think that it is easier for him because his whole life has changed. It's like being on vacation, you don't think about home as much because you are learning your new surroundings, but for me, everything is still the same just a big void from where he was. I think that he is trying to give me a chance to see everyone and be everywhere. He doesn't realize that being in communication with him helps me have a better time because I don't have to worry about what he is doing, because I am already in the loop.
I guess overall, it will get easier. Hopefully, I will stop tearing up everytime I see or hear anything about deployments, soldiers, military, etc. Hopefully I will start sleeping better in our bed, and handling the stress of doing everything on my own.
Although it's been hard being home and being reminded that he is missing, the extra help from my Mom and sister have been wonderful! It's been nice to have someone else to count on instead of just adding to your own To Do List.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Deployment
Well it sure has been a long time since I have written, and I guess a part of that was because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. My husband left on December 2nd. We tend to forget how emotional it is to say goodbye to someone who will be gone for an extended period of time. It was as though there was a dark cloud looming over us until we actually had to say goodbye. I live on an Airforce base and work on an Army base, and before my husband left I went along my day not really thinking about who was having to say goodbye to their soldier that day, that night, that week, that month. I now look at things different. Who is having to go through this? Who is getting the honor of welcoming them home? It seems like a revolving door. One night it is one family's nightmare the next night one family's wish.
My husband got to Iraq safely and now it's the game of getting ourselves into our new routine or as I like to call it our new normal. I think the beginning is really hard although I think I have done pretty well. It's hard to come home from work and not have him there to talk to. It's hard to have to wait until he can call you. I think that AA was on to something when they say, "take it one day at a time." I feel like thatis what I am doing. I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it when I get to welcome him home. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. It makes me want to be strong and it makes me wat to make him not worry about me and how I am handling things. I want his mind to be clear on what he needs to focus on, keeping himself safe and completing that mission.
It's hard that he left right before Christmas. It's hard that he won't be here to celebrate, but I am glad that I get to go home and be with my family and friends who have been a tremendous support system! I am so blessed to have all of them in my life!
One thing that is good about the deployment is that I don't feel guilty for occupying all my time with work and maybe going back to school to get my master's. I think that this will help me stay busy and my hope is that this will help pass the time, and in the long run help my career. I think about how he and I dated long distance for 3 years and part of the reason that we were so successful is that we were both very busy. I was mainly busy with school! So, I think that is what I will go back to do doing. The Army has a great program for military wives to continue their education where they will pay for the majority if not all your schooling so in that case I better take advantage of the situation.
Well, I don't have much else to say. I don't know how to verbalize how I am feeling. I am proud, sad, lonely, happy, etc. It's hard to put into words.
I think one way to survive this is to have something to look forward to every month. So this month I am going home for the holidays. Next month my friend Nicole is coming to visit, I better figure something out for February. : )
My husband got to Iraq safely and now it's the game of getting ourselves into our new routine or as I like to call it our new normal. I think the beginning is really hard although I think I have done pretty well. It's hard to come home from work and not have him there to talk to. It's hard to have to wait until he can call you. I think that AA was on to something when they say, "take it one day at a time." I feel like thatis what I am doing. I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it when I get to welcome him home. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. It makes me want to be strong and it makes me wat to make him not worry about me and how I am handling things. I want his mind to be clear on what he needs to focus on, keeping himself safe and completing that mission.
It's hard that he left right before Christmas. It's hard that he won't be here to celebrate, but I am glad that I get to go home and be with my family and friends who have been a tremendous support system! I am so blessed to have all of them in my life!
One thing that is good about the deployment is that I don't feel guilty for occupying all my time with work and maybe going back to school to get my master's. I think that this will help me stay busy and my hope is that this will help pass the time, and in the long run help my career. I think about how he and I dated long distance for 3 years and part of the reason that we were so successful is that we were both very busy. I was mainly busy with school! So, I think that is what I will go back to do doing. The Army has a great program for military wives to continue their education where they will pay for the majority if not all your schooling so in that case I better take advantage of the situation.
Well, I don't have much else to say. I don't know how to verbalize how I am feeling. I am proud, sad, lonely, happy, etc. It's hard to put into words.
I think one way to survive this is to have something to look forward to every month. So this month I am going home for the holidays. Next month my friend Nicole is coming to visit, I better figure something out for February. : )
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