Well Christmas has come and gone and I survived! I got to talk to Rick (my husband) on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day. It was a great surprise! He was busy learning how to weld so now when he gets back home I have another type of "honey do" I can add to the list! Maybe he will get good enough and make some great wall art!
I was able to visit with family and friends, which was great! I was able to update them on what Rick is doing in Iraq and was able to just catch up! I am really impressed with the level of support, concern, and prayer that our support system is giving to us! I can honestly say that this deployment would be so much harder without it.
Although, Rick has had times where he wasn't able to come home for the holidays (because of work) it does make it different when you know that they are in Iraq and that they are really not getting to celebrate Christmas in any fashion that they are used to. It just kind of makes you sad. I am pretty proud of myself though because I only cried a couple of times! I have become a huge sap these days; I am not saying that I feel sorry for myself or Rick because I don't. It's more about pride and honor. I just can't explain to you how proud I am of Rick and what he is sacrificing for this country. I think most military wives would agree!
Well back to Christmas... we survived! Like I said I got to talk to him and that was a great gift in its self. He also got to talk to my mom, brother and sister so now they can all say that they have talked to someone while they were in Iraq. I hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas with your friends and families! I am looking forward to the new year! I think it will really help my mind game when I say, "he will be home in October of this year!" Oh that just sounds shorter!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Life back at home without my husband...
Well I am back in town for the holidays, and it's bitter sweet. It's so nice seeing everyone and getting to have something to look forward to, but it's also a reminder that I am going to be spending the holidays without my husband and that he will be spending his in a chow hall somewhere or the gym. : ( Not really the best way to celebrate!
My family has been really supportive of us. Everytime I drive down the main street of our hometown I see the yellow ribbons that they have hanging out on the doorstep supporting him, again it's just another reminder. We have been busy getting care packages together so that he will have things to open around the holidays. We have been trying to stagger them out so that he won't get them all at once. My hope is that he gets a smile on his face, and knows that we are thinking about him.
My husband's family has never really known how to be suppportive of him during a deployment. They think that just because they talk about him or wear a necklace that they are supporting him. It starts to get really irritating when I find out that they have not called or emailed him, yet they want me to make sure they have all the information. What for? Just to give him false hope? It's moments like this that make me feel tired of trying.... why do we have to go and see them when we come into town? This is not a relationship it's an obligation. My hope is that during this deployment I can start to let it go, and not focus on the negative part. I don't want this to be the part that consumes me.
Honestly, I am a little bit scared for the next year. It hasn't even been a month yet and it feels like forever. My husband and I still have not gotten into a pattern yet. I feel like I am living with my cell phone. I have already missed a couple calls and the guilt is horrible. He is not giving me a guilt trip by any means it's just that I want to talk to him and then I miss the time he has a chance to call. He could call more but he doesn't like to call in front of other people so right now he is waiting until the other soldiers go home to call. Well, as you can imagine that doesn't really leave us much time to talk so we talk about every 4 days. I think that it is easier for him because his whole life has changed. It's like being on vacation, you don't think about home as much because you are learning your new surroundings, but for me, everything is still the same just a big void from where he was. I think that he is trying to give me a chance to see everyone and be everywhere. He doesn't realize that being in communication with him helps me have a better time because I don't have to worry about what he is doing, because I am already in the loop.
I guess overall, it will get easier. Hopefully, I will stop tearing up everytime I see or hear anything about deployments, soldiers, military, etc. Hopefully I will start sleeping better in our bed, and handling the stress of doing everything on my own.
Although it's been hard being home and being reminded that he is missing, the extra help from my Mom and sister have been wonderful! It's been nice to have someone else to count on instead of just adding to your own To Do List.
My family has been really supportive of us. Everytime I drive down the main street of our hometown I see the yellow ribbons that they have hanging out on the doorstep supporting him, again it's just another reminder. We have been busy getting care packages together so that he will have things to open around the holidays. We have been trying to stagger them out so that he won't get them all at once. My hope is that he gets a smile on his face, and knows that we are thinking about him.
My husband's family has never really known how to be suppportive of him during a deployment. They think that just because they talk about him or wear a necklace that they are supporting him. It starts to get really irritating when I find out that they have not called or emailed him, yet they want me to make sure they have all the information. What for? Just to give him false hope? It's moments like this that make me feel tired of trying.... why do we have to go and see them when we come into town? This is not a relationship it's an obligation. My hope is that during this deployment I can start to let it go, and not focus on the negative part. I don't want this to be the part that consumes me.
Honestly, I am a little bit scared for the next year. It hasn't even been a month yet and it feels like forever. My husband and I still have not gotten into a pattern yet. I feel like I am living with my cell phone. I have already missed a couple calls and the guilt is horrible. He is not giving me a guilt trip by any means it's just that I want to talk to him and then I miss the time he has a chance to call. He could call more but he doesn't like to call in front of other people so right now he is waiting until the other soldiers go home to call. Well, as you can imagine that doesn't really leave us much time to talk so we talk about every 4 days. I think that it is easier for him because his whole life has changed. It's like being on vacation, you don't think about home as much because you are learning your new surroundings, but for me, everything is still the same just a big void from where he was. I think that he is trying to give me a chance to see everyone and be everywhere. He doesn't realize that being in communication with him helps me have a better time because I don't have to worry about what he is doing, because I am already in the loop.
I guess overall, it will get easier. Hopefully, I will stop tearing up everytime I see or hear anything about deployments, soldiers, military, etc. Hopefully I will start sleeping better in our bed, and handling the stress of doing everything on my own.
Although it's been hard being home and being reminded that he is missing, the extra help from my Mom and sister have been wonderful! It's been nice to have someone else to count on instead of just adding to your own To Do List.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Deployment
Well it sure has been a long time since I have written, and I guess a part of that was because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. My husband left on December 2nd. We tend to forget how emotional it is to say goodbye to someone who will be gone for an extended period of time. It was as though there was a dark cloud looming over us until we actually had to say goodbye. I live on an Airforce base and work on an Army base, and before my husband left I went along my day not really thinking about who was having to say goodbye to their soldier that day, that night, that week, that month. I now look at things different. Who is having to go through this? Who is getting the honor of welcoming them home? It seems like a revolving door. One night it is one family's nightmare the next night one family's wish.
My husband got to Iraq safely and now it's the game of getting ourselves into our new routine or as I like to call it our new normal. I think the beginning is really hard although I think I have done pretty well. It's hard to come home from work and not have him there to talk to. It's hard to have to wait until he can call you. I think that AA was on to something when they say, "take it one day at a time." I feel like thatis what I am doing. I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it when I get to welcome him home. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. It makes me want to be strong and it makes me wat to make him not worry about me and how I am handling things. I want his mind to be clear on what he needs to focus on, keeping himself safe and completing that mission.
It's hard that he left right before Christmas. It's hard that he won't be here to celebrate, but I am glad that I get to go home and be with my family and friends who have been a tremendous support system! I am so blessed to have all of them in my life!
One thing that is good about the deployment is that I don't feel guilty for occupying all my time with work and maybe going back to school to get my master's. I think that this will help me stay busy and my hope is that this will help pass the time, and in the long run help my career. I think about how he and I dated long distance for 3 years and part of the reason that we were so successful is that we were both very busy. I was mainly busy with school! So, I think that is what I will go back to do doing. The Army has a great program for military wives to continue their education where they will pay for the majority if not all your schooling so in that case I better take advantage of the situation.
Well, I don't have much else to say. I don't know how to verbalize how I am feeling. I am proud, sad, lonely, happy, etc. It's hard to put into words.
I think one way to survive this is to have something to look forward to every month. So this month I am going home for the holidays. Next month my friend Nicole is coming to visit, I better figure something out for February. : )
My husband got to Iraq safely and now it's the game of getting ourselves into our new routine or as I like to call it our new normal. I think the beginning is really hard although I think I have done pretty well. It's hard to come home from work and not have him there to talk to. It's hard to have to wait until he can call you. I think that AA was on to something when they say, "take it one day at a time." I feel like thatis what I am doing. I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it when I get to welcome him home. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. It makes me want to be strong and it makes me wat to make him not worry about me and how I am handling things. I want his mind to be clear on what he needs to focus on, keeping himself safe and completing that mission.
It's hard that he left right before Christmas. It's hard that he won't be here to celebrate, but I am glad that I get to go home and be with my family and friends who have been a tremendous support system! I am so blessed to have all of them in my life!
One thing that is good about the deployment is that I don't feel guilty for occupying all my time with work and maybe going back to school to get my master's. I think that this will help me stay busy and my hope is that this will help pass the time, and in the long run help my career. I think about how he and I dated long distance for 3 years and part of the reason that we were so successful is that we were both very busy. I was mainly busy with school! So, I think that is what I will go back to do doing. The Army has a great program for military wives to continue their education where they will pay for the majority if not all your schooling so in that case I better take advantage of the situation.
Well, I don't have much else to say. I don't know how to verbalize how I am feeling. I am proud, sad, lonely, happy, etc. It's hard to put into words.
I think one way to survive this is to have something to look forward to every month. So this month I am going home for the holidays. Next month my friend Nicole is coming to visit, I better figure something out for February. : )
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Making of an Army Wife
Oprah is always saying that she has the best job in the world, but I disagree. I think that I have the best job in the world. I teach or according to Harry Wong I inspire. I look forward to Monday mornings, actually I think that Mondays are the easiest days for me to wake up. I currently work with a high population of students whose parent or parents are in the military. It has been such a blessing for me. I have the opportunity to be the person that gives them a hug when they miss their mommy or their daddy because they are deployed, or I get to be the reason they call their parents down range. I had one student last week tell me, "We are going to have to call my daddy so that I can tell him that I am the MVP! He is going to be so excited and proud of me!" How could you not love your job? Teaching is a huge part of my life; I have wanted to be a teacher since the first day of Kindergarten (no joke), and I am so happy that I can teach and that I have had the opportunity to meet so many students. I am also happy that many of them are joining facebook because now I get to hear about their lives after we leave or PCS (permanent change of station). Although I love my job it does make me stick out from other wives. We had an FRG (Family Readiness Group) meeting a couple months ago they were talking to us about the deployment and what we were going to do with our children in case something bad were to happen to us. The 1SGT asked, "Raise your hand if you have a child." I was the only hand not raised in a group of 20 women. Many of which were younger than I am. Most wives don't work, they stay at home and raise their families. It makes it hard to bond with the other wives. Many of the wives don't seem to think that we have much in common or they are only talking about school with me. Many of the wives in the company go out together, go play at the park together, etc. I never get those kind of invitations. I want to be able to stay home and raise my babies when my husband and I start a family, but most of them would never know because I don't fit in to their group now. Like I said, I love my job, but if I was looking at it from just an Army wife stand point I'm sure it holds me back from fitting into the club.
My husband and I have known each other for 11 years now. We met in high school. He was one of the new freshmen. He came to our school from California. He was an athlete and very nice. We became friends. During our junior year he and I started dating. He had a singing quartet sing three love songs to me in my Spanish 4 class on Valentine's Day. As I walked out to our common area there he was standing there with a single rose. It was so sweet. We dated for about a year, but as things go in high school we had a very dramatic break up. I mean dramatic... ring throwing (just a promise ring) and all.
We remained civil for the next year, but not very close. We didn't really start talking again until he was getting ready to join the Army. He joined right after 9-11. He had always wanted to be in the military. Once when we were dating he asked me if I would go with him to wherever he was stationed. I told him that I couldn't do that, that I needed to go to college and follow my dreams first. I am so proud of myself now. If I had followed him I would still be working on my degree. It's hard in this life to get done with school when you are getting ready to see the light, boom you PCS. Anyway, back to him joining. He decided to join the 82nd Airborne. He was excited about the challenge that the 82nd had to offer. He had a love/ hate relationship with the 82nd, and I think most soldiers do. He deployed twice from Fort Bragg and that is when our relationship became more. He went over during the invasion so the communication was not set up to what it is now so we would write letters to one another and emails. It was so rommantic. I think we got to know one another so much through those 7 months. I had developed a little crush on him but once he returned to Nevada for his leave the feelings just weren't there. He was deployed again 2 months later for 5 months. We started talking again and I fell for him again, this time when he came home I was in love. I had thrown a welcome home party for him, after a few drinks in me I went up and planted a kiss right on him in front of everyone... that is how we started. That night we talked and we both knew that this was not a relationship that we would just try out; we were in it for the long haul. We wanted to get married, we wanted a family together, we wanted to just be with one another. And so we were. We dated long distance for almost 3 years. He was stationed in Fort Bragg and I was going to school in Nevada. We saw each other about every 4 months, and it was great. It was like the love in the movies. How could you get annoyed with each other? The longest time we spent together was a month when I went out to see him. It was great! Great dates, great sex, and the appeal of the Army life... oh the uniforms! It wouldn't be until I graduated and joined him in Virginia that things would get crazy for us or maybe I mean normalized... I don't know you be the judge.
He had been living the adult life style. Getting up for PT every morning, working the odd hours that the Army demands. I had worked through college but I still went out for Thirsty Thursdays, played baseball (great drinking game) with my friends at least once a week; joining these two lives was not going to be easy. We were at two very different places. We knew that we loved each other, but we had no idea how hard this would be... I don't think anyone did.
I won't go into detail about all the horrible things that happened our first year and a half of marriage but I will say this. Your first year isn't always your honeymoon period. For us it was the year we were trying not to drown! We were trying to get to know each other's daily routines. We knew about each other's dreams, passions, goals, etc. but he had no idea how big of a neat freak I was, or how much I depended on interactions with other people, I had no idea that he was a slob (he would always do a deep clean when I would come to visit...grrr). It felt like we were climbing Mt. Everest, and it seemed like everyone had an opinion on how we should be acting or what we should be doing. It was exhausting.
I was learning that there was another woman in our marriage and she would come first a lot of the time... the Army is like another lover to your husband. She is one demanding bitch... but she can also be your best friend. Maybe we all have that love/ hate relationship with the Army. Once you get used to her and all the baggage that goes along with her you end up loving her. I think if my husband came home and told me he wanted to get out; I would be upset. I love the life we are getting to live, the people we meet, the places we go, the pride I have for this country and the soldiers that make up the military. The Army has helped me live a far more exciting life than I could have pictured for myself.
My husband and I have been married now for 2 years. Although I am not Claudia Joy on Army Wives I do feel like I have become an Army Wife that I am proud of. I have not lost myself if anything the Army has helped me find myself and has expanded my views about life... I will say that there is no easy recipe in becoming an Army wife some have a pretty easy time and some get out quick. I'd like to think that I am doing a pretty good job. I am proud to add the title of Army Wife to my list of accomplishments.
My husband and I have known each other for 11 years now. We met in high school. He was one of the new freshmen. He came to our school from California. He was an athlete and very nice. We became friends. During our junior year he and I started dating. He had a singing quartet sing three love songs to me in my Spanish 4 class on Valentine's Day. As I walked out to our common area there he was standing there with a single rose. It was so sweet. We dated for about a year, but as things go in high school we had a very dramatic break up. I mean dramatic... ring throwing (just a promise ring) and all.
We remained civil for the next year, but not very close. We didn't really start talking again until he was getting ready to join the Army. He joined right after 9-11. He had always wanted to be in the military. Once when we were dating he asked me if I would go with him to wherever he was stationed. I told him that I couldn't do that, that I needed to go to college and follow my dreams first. I am so proud of myself now. If I had followed him I would still be working on my degree. It's hard in this life to get done with school when you are getting ready to see the light, boom you PCS. Anyway, back to him joining. He decided to join the 82nd Airborne. He was excited about the challenge that the 82nd had to offer. He had a love/ hate relationship with the 82nd, and I think most soldiers do. He deployed twice from Fort Bragg and that is when our relationship became more. He went over during the invasion so the communication was not set up to what it is now so we would write letters to one another and emails. It was so rommantic. I think we got to know one another so much through those 7 months. I had developed a little crush on him but once he returned to Nevada for his leave the feelings just weren't there. He was deployed again 2 months later for 5 months. We started talking again and I fell for him again, this time when he came home I was in love. I had thrown a welcome home party for him, after a few drinks in me I went up and planted a kiss right on him in front of everyone... that is how we started. That night we talked and we both knew that this was not a relationship that we would just try out; we were in it for the long haul. We wanted to get married, we wanted a family together, we wanted to just be with one another. And so we were. We dated long distance for almost 3 years. He was stationed in Fort Bragg and I was going to school in Nevada. We saw each other about every 4 months, and it was great. It was like the love in the movies. How could you get annoyed with each other? The longest time we spent together was a month when I went out to see him. It was great! Great dates, great sex, and the appeal of the Army life... oh the uniforms! It wouldn't be until I graduated and joined him in Virginia that things would get crazy for us or maybe I mean normalized... I don't know you be the judge.
He had been living the adult life style. Getting up for PT every morning, working the odd hours that the Army demands. I had worked through college but I still went out for Thirsty Thursdays, played baseball (great drinking game) with my friends at least once a week; joining these two lives was not going to be easy. We were at two very different places. We knew that we loved each other, but we had no idea how hard this would be... I don't think anyone did.
I won't go into detail about all the horrible things that happened our first year and a half of marriage but I will say this. Your first year isn't always your honeymoon period. For us it was the year we were trying not to drown! We were trying to get to know each other's daily routines. We knew about each other's dreams, passions, goals, etc. but he had no idea how big of a neat freak I was, or how much I depended on interactions with other people, I had no idea that he was a slob (he would always do a deep clean when I would come to visit...grrr). It felt like we were climbing Mt. Everest, and it seemed like everyone had an opinion on how we should be acting or what we should be doing. It was exhausting.
I was learning that there was another woman in our marriage and she would come first a lot of the time... the Army is like another lover to your husband. She is one demanding bitch... but she can also be your best friend. Maybe we all have that love/ hate relationship with the Army. Once you get used to her and all the baggage that goes along with her you end up loving her. I think if my husband came home and told me he wanted to get out; I would be upset. I love the life we are getting to live, the people we meet, the places we go, the pride I have for this country and the soldiers that make up the military. The Army has helped me live a far more exciting life than I could have pictured for myself.
My husband and I have been married now for 2 years. Although I am not Claudia Joy on Army Wives I do feel like I have become an Army Wife that I am proud of. I have not lost myself if anything the Army has helped me find myself and has expanded my views about life... I will say that there is no easy recipe in becoming an Army wife some have a pretty easy time and some get out quick. I'd like to think that I am doing a pretty good job. I am proud to add the title of Army Wife to my list of accomplishments.
The Beginning
My mom suggested that I should start this blog to talk about my life as an Army wife, so here it is. My blog as an Army wife. I will say this in the beginning I am not writing this blog and expecting to sum up the life of an Army wife. I am writing this blog to share about my life as an Army wife. During this next year, my husband and I will be going through a big change like many Army families my husband is leaving for his third deployment to Iraq. I am writing this blog to give a voice to the family that is left behind, the family that loves and supports from a far, the ones that hooah it up (as I like to call it)!
Mom thanks for the advice... I hope you enjoy reading it!
Mom thanks for the advice... I hope you enjoy reading it!
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